The Fat Suit

The man who boarded the tube train was colossal even by today’s obesity standards

He barged, bumped, pushed and knocked those closest to him from the front, sides and back such was his girth. His was so large that he seemed to occupy all of the space inside the doors that he had entered by forcing everyone to give him room

Sweat poured from his face like a tap had been turned on from inside his head. The exertions of getting down the stairs and onto the tube had obviously taken their toll on him. Within seconds his clothes were soaking wet with the appearance that he had just gotten out of a bath

His breathing was laboured with a high pitched wheeze at the end of every inhalation that he struggled to take. His face became increasingly redder and redder with every minute of effort that just standing and breathing was having upon him

‘Are you sure you’re alright mate?’ asked a builder who was stood next to him

‘Would you like to sit down?’

A  worried woman with a small child stood up and moved to one side. The man raised his hand and shook his head to acknowledge their concerns but his condition to those watching was getting worse not better

His face became purple as he started to cough and splutter in between gasping breaths. His wheezing took on a strange mechanical sound as if gears were grinding out of sequence, trying to grip to get movement. Steam, in small bursts at first, began to shot from his ears, nose and armpits before bursting out like ‘The Flying Scotsman’ hurtling down the tracks

Passengers began to panic, pushing their way past one another to get away from him. Screams and shouts began to fill the carriage as people saw sparks flying from his elbows, knees, ankles and fingers like a knife being sharpened on a grinding wheel. The noises from inside him became louder and louder, levers began to burst out of his skin spraying oil over those too close. Thick black smoke poured out of his mouth just as an alarm started sounding from within his stomach region

The tube pulled into the next station with passengers falling over one another in their desperate efforts to get away from him. His body began to shake violently as a tannoy announcement sounded from his chest in a well spoken English accent

‘Abandon the vehicle immediately. I repeat, abandon the vehicle immediately’

The body opened on giant brass hinges with an enormous hissing sound. Tiny men dressed like Victorian explorers descended on escape slides from all angles on penny farthing bicycles pedaling furiously to escape the fat suit explorer vehicle they had all been travelling in. They sped onto the platform and away before anyone could take stock of just what was happening

The coal burning boilers that had been powering the fat suit exploded soon afterwards, shattering the windows of the carriage with the subsequent fire destroying all evidence that it had ever existed

The papers put it down to a prank gone wrong by design students or a performance piece by some artist but no one could be sure. Checks were carried out on all obese people for a few weeks to check that they were human before they were allowed to enter tube stations before the panic died down and life went back to normal

Back in their laboratory, the tiny Victorian engineers were hard at work on their next prototype vehicle. The Fat Suit Explorer MK 2 would be powered by electric batteries which would make it much safer and slimmer. Time was of the essence though. They had read that there was going to be an effort to tackle the obesity crisis so they needed to get it up and running as soon as possible if they wanted to be able to explore in disguise once more

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