Falling

20170923_140258Her dreams had always involved her falling 

She would always be on a swing like the ones that were in the park on her housing estate growing up. She would be higher than would ever be possible, up in the clouds, going up and down in huge sweeps. At some point she would stand up to get even greater momentum hoping to cause ‘the bumps’ when the chains would start juddering around causing the swing lurch around

The swing would go higher and higher until the feeling of weightlessness would become overwhelming causing her to let go of the chains; that’s when the falling would start. Her gran once told her that if you had a dream about falling but didn’t wake up before you hit the ground you would die, so as she reached maximum velocity, falling backwards, she would be always be shouting at herself to wake up which she always did before any impact

Of course over the years she became interested in why this dream kept occurring. Dreaming about falling was one of the most common types of dreams that people had she had found out and could mean you were afraid of letting go of something or was an indication of insecurities, instabilities or anxieties. One of her therapists said that they could be a sign of a sense of inferiority or failure

Her main concern recently had been that the falling was going on for longer and longer periods of time. She was getting closer and closer to the ground before she woke up which had added screaming to her waking up ritual each evening. Adrenaline flooded her body making it hard to control the shaking which would keep her awake for the rest of the night

The fear that one evening she wouldn’t wake up lead to bouts of insomnia, late night walks and a dread of the inevitable ending she knew was coming. Eventually after the tiredness took over the will to stay awake she finally gave in, laid on the bed and fell asleep

The swing went higher and higher into the clouds until she could hold on no longer and let herself fall

The Coroner recorded an open verdict at her inquest. The evidence pointed to the fact that she had only fallen out of bed and there were no signs that she’d been moved but the cause of death had been impact injuries as though she had fallen from a vast height 

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