One Size Fits All

‘Come on in Sir you’re most very welcome’

The landlord stepped out from behind the bar and helped the soaking wet hiker take his rucksack off

‘Now you sits yourself down by that fire and start drying off. We don’t wants you catching hyperthermia’

The shivering man sat down in the high backed leather chair that was closest to the flames

‘There’s a lovely mug of hot chocolate on the table to gets your blood flowing again and when you’re ready there’s a bowl of soup and bread to warm you through. I knew some lost soul would find his way here on a night like this so it always pays to be prepared’

The man gulped his drink down with shaking hands

‘I got lost when the mist came down, I just couldn’t get my bearings. Then the storm started which knocked my phone out’

He placed the empty mug down on the table next to him

‘I’ve been walking for hours not knowing where I was. I saw the lights of your pub in the distance and thank god you were still open by the time I got here or I dread to think what would have happened’

The landlord replaced the mug with a huge bowl of soup and plate of bread

‘You’re not the first lost soul to find me and you’ll not be the last Sir so eat up and we’ll gets you settled for the night. There’s always a comfortable bed for weary travellers here’

He poked at the logs in the open fire causing sparks to fly up into the air

‘Do let me know what I owe you for the food and a bed for the evening would be great. A single is fine if there’s not a double available’

‘There’s only one bed Sir as I always says one size fits all. Now don’t you go worrying about money and all that you just eat and gets yourself warm then we’ll get you ready for bed’

The hiker tucked into his warm meal with a feeling that the warmth was coming back to him at last

’Would it be possible to use a phone to call ahead to my hotel; I’d like to let them know that I’m safe and will be back tomorrow morning’

‘Storms knocked it out Sir along with the power. That’s why we’ve got the candles out’

It was the first time that the man had actually noticed just how dark the pub was. He began to notice just how tired he was, how sleepy he was, how the room was beginning to close in on him

The soup spoon clattered onto the stone floor

‘That’s it Sir you sleep and I’ll gets you ready for bed

The landlord placed his guest onto the bed, placing his head up against the headboard. The man had his arms bound against his body in a white, cotton street which covered him from his shoulder to his knees

‘Now, now this will never do. There’s gots to be a good eighteen inches of you hanging over the end here’

He replaced the tape measure around his neck and with a pencil marked on both legs where they stuck out of the end of the bed

‘You should have seen the wee fella that arrived the other week. He was a good eight inches too short and it took a fair bit of work with the smith’s hammer to make him a comfortable fit’

He picked up the saw from his tool bag and drew it across the pencil mark on the bound man’s right leg

‘Now Sir I’ll soon have you sorted because likes I always says one size fits all’

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