“So how long have you had this phobia of clowns?”

Julia Song had often thought about the answer to this question. For as long as she could remember the fear had always been there

“I’m not sure really. It just seems to have always been there since I was a little girl”

Her Therapist noted down her answer and carried on with his list of questions about how her phobia manifested itself, did anyone else in the family suffer from it or what had her parents said about it growing up

“That’s the thing every time I tried to speak about it my mother would either get really upset or angry. My father would just change the subject  and refuse to discuss it. Neither of them gave me any clues before they died”

Although Julia had always wanted to seek help about this it was having children of her own that had prompted it as she did not want to pass her irrational fear onto them

“Ok Julia I’d like you to close your eyes and think about travelling back along your timeline to when you were younger. I’d like you to get up above it and look down upon your life as you travel backwards in time, all the way back to the time when this fear started”

Julia let her unconscious mind to travel back over her life until she was looking down on herself in her bedroom as a little girl

“Ok Julia when you get back to the first memory associated with this fear let me know where you are and what’s happening please”  

“I’m in my bedroom but I’m scared. My Mummy and Daddy have gone out and the babysitter is in the living room watching television”

“And why are you scared Julia?”

“Because there’s been a small clown that keeps standing at the bottom of my bed at night who just stares at me. I keep screaming for my Mummy and Daddy to get rid of him but they keep telling me it’s just a bad dream but I know he’s real”

“You’re doing really well Julia. Now tell me what’s happening now please”

“I’m walking to the living room and I can hear the baby sitter speaking to one of my parents on the telephone. She’s saying she’s sorry to disturb them at their dinner party but she wants permission to cover the clown figure up in the corner of the room as it’s scaring her”

Her hands begin to grip the pillow that she’s placed on her lap for security

“And now the clown is coming towards her but she can’t see him as she has her back to him. I want to scream and warn her but I’m too scared”

“What are you feeling Julia?”

“Oh I really want to scream out that he’s coming but I just can’t and now he’s seen me and I’m feeling too terrified to move”

“Ok Julia keep going. Tell me what’s happening now”

“He’s just smiling at me and he’s put a finger up to his mouth to tell me to be quite. He’s shutting the door and I can hear the babysitter screaming……oh god……oh god…..”

Julia opens her eyes and jumps up from the couch sobbing. She wants to run away and hide in the cupboard just like she had done on that evening until the police had kicked down the door. She wants to hide until the gunshots have stopped and the clown has been taken away under a sheet. She wants to hide until her Mummy and Daddy come home

But she realises she can’t hide from the clown this time

He’s sitting in the chair where her therapist had just been

He has a finger up to his lips telling her to be quiet

And he’s smiling

3 thoughts on “Coulrophobia

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